Life Itself
by Lizzie9
Summary: Eternity is forever. So how can a girl of 16, and a ghost of 150, spend eternity together? "Susannah, going through with this could kill you." "Father Dom, it's Jesse whose dying. What choice do I have?" Eternity is possible.. for a price.
1. Three Magic Words

Title: Life Itself  
  
Author: Sara n Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God.  
  
Rating: PG-13, possibly changing  
  
Summary: Post Haunted. A whole new catastrophe arises. Jesse and Suze have got to trust Paul to survive, and nothing is as it seems.  
  
I tried to be careful. I had the power in my hands. The ball in my court. I had waited so long for this and now it was broken. My brand new Clinique powder foundation. On back order for two months, and the first day I have it, broken in the compact. Great.  
  
Of course it could be worse. It could be a lot worse. Father Dom could have gotten his old fashioned way and carted Jesse out of my bedroom, which hadn't happened. Thank God.  
  
Of ocurse I'd had to do everything short of slitting my wrists to get Father D to lighten the heck up, but hey, all fairs in love and war. And this was love and war. Emphasis on the love for now. We'll get to the war later.  
  
Love. Love had blossomed the night of The Father Serra Festival. And then it had crashed and burned. Which was 99.9% the fault of Paul Slater. the other point 1 percent? Sadly, that was me.  
  
Paul. Good old Paul Slater. I prefer Shithead, but his legal name is Paul Slater. Although he promised not to harm Jesse, apparently mental harm was still quite within his rights. Paul had taken it upon himself to tell Father Dom a very long and very made up story about me kissing him and leaving at the Father Serra Festival when he knew Jesse was in the room. He could see him for God's sake! Well obviously I was kissing Jesse at that point. And Jesse knew that. But the doubt was all of a sudden there. Only Jesse also knew that I really had kissed Paul Slater. Once. By accident. Kind of. Well that's not the point.  
  
Which led to the crash and burn part. Ok, so I exaggerate. We were still... well I loved Jesse more than I ever had. I assumed he still loved me too. He had yet to say the words though.  
  
Not only have I fallen for a Spanish ghost with a jealous streak, he is also the most moody guy in the world.  
  
In fact, here he was materializing just like that, interrupting my thoughts. Not that I was complaining you understand.  
  
"Susannah." he said softly. Only there was something different about the way he rolled my name around as he said it. Something sexy.  
  
I stood up slowly. "Jesse." I turn and face him. I open my mouth to speak, but he sweeps me up in his arms and kisses me. But not just kisses me. Passionately kisses me. I was underneath him on my bed before I knew what hit me. Talk about mood swings.  
  
He stops kissing me for a minute. "Susannah." he breathes. I reach one of my arms up and with my hand on the back of his head, pull his lips to mine again.  
  
And then comes that feeling. Yea the one that makes me want to tear my clothes off, before pulling Jesse down on top of me. Bad Suze. Very bad.  
  
But would it be so bad? I mean, its not like you can get pregnant from a ghost. Or can you? There's not exactly a precedent for me....  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Suffice to say I did not take any, ok many of my clothes off. Even if I had I didn't know how Jesse would respond. Back in his day, I doubt woman considered premarital relations.  
  
We kissed for an awfully long time. Until he pulled away again. "Susannah." he said a third time. Only this he didn't stop. "I love you."  
  
I watched musicals as a kid, never understanding why people suddenly broke out into song. I now know why. I definitely could have done it then.  
  
"God, Jesse." I whispered. "I've always loved you."  
  
Wouldn't you know Brad chooses now to burst into my room. Without knocking, might I add?  
  
"Suze." He announces in his I'm a super cool wrestler voice. "Dinner." Then he looks at me.  
  
"Suze." he says again. "What the hell are you doing?"  
  
"Stretching." I mutter, blushing. Jesse quickly allows me to get up, and squeezes my hand as I leave.  
  
So I returned to my room after dinner, greeted by darkness. Great. Jesse chooses now to pull his disappearing act. Geez. I sigh and sit down at my desk and attempt English homework. Key word attempt. It's hard to focus after getting the kisses of a lifetime.  
  
Jesse materialized again, only this time his demeanor was very, very different. "Susannah." he said strongly. I wince. I know this is not going to be fun.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __  
  
"I paid a visit to our friend Mr. Slater." Jesse said.  
  
"You what?!" I cry. Yea, Paul and I had a deal, but why tempt fate?  
  
"I went to speak with him. And he said you had made a deal with him. Is this true Susannah." I avert my eyes and become very interested in my chipping nail polish.  
  
His tone softens. "You don't have to be afraid to be honest with me querida." he says, taking my hands in his.  
  
"I told him I would let him teach me about shifting if he promised not to hurt you." I whispered.  
  
"Oh Susannah, why would you do that?"  
  
I meet his eyes. Like isn't it incredibly obvious. "Because I love you Jesse." I say. "Because I'm terrified of the thought of losing you!"  
  
"Susannah, what if he tries to hurt you?"  
  
I drop my eyes again. "He won't want to hurt me exactly....." I trail off. Jesse, despite his age, catches my drift. And he pulls me into a hug.  
  
"Querida, if he lays a finger on you, I want to hear about it. I won't be mad at you." I nodded.  
  
"I promise." At that moment, i got conflicting feelings. An intense surge of apprehension. I could tell something was about to happen. And I also knew in that moment, that I loved Jesse more than I could ever love anyone.  
  
If only we knew the that the world was about to crash on top of us. If we had, maybe we could have escaped to Mexico. But probably not.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __ Usually, it's me who falls off the cliff into the fog. This time it was Jesse. And this time it wasn't fog he was falling into. It was fire.  
  
He and Paul were fighting on that cliffy place that inhabits my dreams. Over me. And Jesse was losing. "Jesse!" I screamed, as Paul pushed him closer and closer to the edge. "Jesse!" But it was too late. "Jesse." I screamed a third time.  
  
As I watched him fall, I heard him whisper. "Querida, what's wrong?" I realized that strong were enveloping me. I forced my eyes open. "Jesse." I whispered. It was a dream. Jesse was here, in my bed. Holding me.  
  
I rolled over and buried my face in his chest, unable to stop the tears. "Shh." He whispered. "Susannah I'm here. It's ok." 


	2. On The Verge

Title: Life Itself  
  
Author: Sara n Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God.  
  
Rating: PG-13, possibly changing  
  
Summary: Post Haunted. A whole new catastrophe arises. Jesse and Suze have got to trust Paul to survive, and nothing is as it seems.  
  
Author's Note: This chapter goes back and forth between Suze and Jesse's point of view. And I know the beginning seems random, but I'm setting the stage! -Sara  
  
She is sobbing. There is nothing I hate more in the world than seeing Susannah cry. She doesn't do it often, which is why; I think I find it so shocking.  
  
I have seen her cry, but never like this. She is trying to speak, but can not through the sobs. After awhile she calms down.  
  
"Jesse he killed you. Paul did. In my dream." I sighed. This much I had gathered.  
  
"But he can't in reality." I told her.  
  
"What if he-" she started.  
  
"No Susannah. No what ifs."  
  
"I can't lose you." She whispered. "And I keep getting this feeling that something really bad is going to happen. I'm really scared Jesse."  
  
"Nothing, and I really mean nothing could ever take me from you Susannah." I assure her. "Now try and get some sleep querida." I stay there until I am pretty sure she has fallen asleep. As much as I want to stay there, to hold her, I know it just isn't proper. I had promised the priest not to take any advantage of living with her. I start to dislodge her from my arms, but her eyes flutter open.  
  
"Jesse, don't go." she murmurs. I sigh, unable to release her. I simply cannot refuse anything to Susannah Simon.  
  
So I wake up, right? Like every normal day. Only today, Jesse is still here. With me. Well not with me, with me, not in that way but oh I know what I mean. "Good morning." He whispers when he sees my eyes open. I smile. A big smile. I'm still smiling this big smile when I skip downstairs for breakfast. Since breakfast isn't the big family affair that dinner is, I convince Jesse to join me.  
  
I mean when I go to school; I'm not going to see him for almost eight hours. That's way too long. So he comes down to breakfast with me and stands next to my chair, occasionally slipping his hand in my hair.  
  
"Suze, you're particularly happy this morning." David notices as I chomp my cereal, unable to get the ridiculous grin off my face.  
  
Brad sighs. "Have a good night with Jesse last night?" he asks me. I close my eyes, and drop my head into my hands.  
  
"I'll explain later." I say to Jesse. Of course as soon as I say it, I remember they can't see him. So Brad looks at me like I'm crazy.  
  
Until he goes, "So was it getting hot and heavy in their last night Suze? Or is that just with Paul Slater?" Instinctively, I pull my foot back and kick Brad with my heels. "Ow!"  
  
"I am not," I state through clenched teeth. "Getting hot and heavy in any way with Paul Slater."  
  
But Brad can't take a hint. "Suze," he says. "The whole school knows you guys were like totally making out on his bed."  
  
I steal a glance over at Jesse, who looks like he's going to be sick.  
  
"So," Brad continues. "If you'll make out with a guy whose not your boyfriend, I bet your totally having sex with this Jesse guy whose in your room every night."  
  
I stand up abruptly. "Brad," I say very loudly. "You should never be allowed to talk!" I storm away from the table, knowing that a) I'm about to confronted by one very pissed off ghost and b) my face is on fire from the mere mention of having sex with this very pissed off, also very attractive ghost.  
  
I was quite right about both previous deductions.  
  
"Susannah. " Jesse said, as soon as I set foot in my bedroom. "I knew that Slater kissed you. However, I was left in the dark about the fact that this kiss took place on a horizontal position and that you were on his bed!" he thundered.  
  
"Jesse, I was not in his bed!" I cried. "I mean, I was on it, yea but not in it. And the only reason I was on his bed was because we were looking a thesis about shifting, and the horizontal position is highly explainable by the fact that he was on top of me, and in my defense, I poked him in the eye to get him off." I said all in a rush.  
  
"After you kissed." Jesse said quietly. I crossed the room so I was inches from his face.  
  
"Jesse." I breathed. "I kissed him because I was positive you didn't like me. I kissed Paul Slater once, without intentions of doing it again. I love you."  
  
"I can't stand the thought of that worthless thing touching you." Jesse said vehemently. This was followed by a string of vicious sounding words in Spanish. I winced. "The thought of his hands in your hair..." Jesse trailed off his hands entwining them selves in my brown locks. "His lips on yours. It makes me want to knock him out Susannah."  
  
I smiled. "You already did Jesse. Remember?" He smiled back, kissing me.  
  
"I remember. Susannah? Your face is awfully red." I immediately dropped my eyes from his face to the floor.  
  
"I'm gonna kill Brad." I muttered. I looked up. Recognition dawned on Jesse's face.  
  
"Yes, that was rather uncomfortable. I don't mean to make you feel awkward."  
  
"It's not the first time it's crossed my mind Jesse." I said very quickly and quietly.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"I said, its not the first time the thought has crossed my mind." I repeated more slowly. Jesse met my eyes.  
  
"It only comes when the time is right for you querida." Jesse said slowly. See why I love my boyfriend?  
  
"Susannah." Father Dominique said, his face looking grave. "We have a problem."  
  
I sighed. So all was normal in The Land of Never Ending Mediation. "What is it this time Father D? Lost souls? Car crash victims? Oh, I am seriously good with clerks who got shoot during a hold up."  
  
"Susannah, this is no laughing matter." Father Dom said. "Paul Slater came to me first this morning. He was contacted by Maria."  
  
The world spun. I knew something bad was going to happen. However, this was verging on catastrophic... 


	3. Of A Catastrophe

Title: Life Itself  
  
Author: Sara n Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God.  
  
Rating: PG-13, possibly changing  
  
Summary: Post Haunted. A whole new catastrophe arises. Jesse and Suze have got to trust Paul to survive, and nothing is as it seems.  
  
Author's Note: Obviously, we are totally new to the Mediator writing thing. We read the books, but like, never wrote the fics till now, so anything tips you have, give them to us! Review! ( Oh, and the third paragraph is from Paul's point of view!  
  
"If your close to me, I'm holding on." -Shakira  
  
I really should have been more shocked. I should have leapt out of my chair and yelled. "You're joking!" at Father Dom or something like that.  
  
Only I wasn't that shocked, because I had known all along that there was no way I could get Jesse without some kind of traumatic mediation crisis. Granted, I did not expect that traumatic mediation crisis to involve my boyfriend's crazy ghost an ex who I thought I had gotten rid of, so there was some shock factor. But I remained calm.  
  
"Well, Jesse and I took care of her once." I tell Father D comfortably. "We'll just do it again." That's when it hits me. "Whoa Father D," I say, throwing my hands into the air in front of me. "Rewind and freeze. How'd she get back?"  
  
Father Dom clears his throat, obviously choosing his words carefully, which makes me nervous. My panic level is slowly rising, but there is a comfort factor. If Maria has just returned, she's gotta be really weak. Right?  
  
"I'm not quite sure how she manage to return." Father Dom said slowly. "But she is extraordinarily powerful."  
  
Great. You know, for a priest, Father Dom definitely needs to work on his tact. The guy just shattered my comfort factor here.  
  
"Susannah, I've begun to research possible reasons for Maria's return." Father Dom said seriously. "I've managed to narrow her intentions down to several possibilities, none of which I am prepared to elaborate on."  
  
Father Dom stopped suddenly, looking very, very uncomfortable. "Susannah. Given that you and Jesse are now living together, well, it's important that I know. Have you and Jesse, uh consummated your relationship?"  
  
Now, I am not a vocabulary genius, but I do know that consummating one's relationship is along the lines of what Dopey enlightened me with this morning. Probably why my face was, once again, getting extremely red. "Father D!" I hollered. "Who declared it National Embarrass Suze about Sex Day? As if it wasn't bad enough Brad had to bring it up in Jesse's presence this morning, and-" I stopped ranting and looked up.  
  
"No. We have not yet consummated anything." I looked down again quickly. "Why did you need to know that?"  
  
"I've determined Maria is planning something based in ancient Voodoo. However, not the Brazilian kind you have been known to engage in, but an ancient Aztec form of voodoo and mystical arts."  
  
"Can you use Aztec voodoo and Mystical arts?"  
  
"Well, Susannah that is one of the things we need to work out. And I'm positive that her time here is limited. Which is beneficial, granted that we could hold her off. And unfortunately, a predicament, because she will strike soon."  
  
Thanks Father D. My panic level? Through the roof. Ok, Simon. Calm down. I refuse to do the damsel in distress thing and call Jesse to be under my constant surveillance, just because he's alone. At my house. Just waiting for that crazy witch to show up- "Jesse, Now!" I call. Out loud. I know its not necessary, but I cant help it.  
  
Father Dom sighs. "Oh Susannah."  
  
I look him straight in the eye. "I know you think I'm crazy. But you know I totally do love him right?"  
  
Father D smiles. "I know. Susannah. I know."  
  
That's when Jesse shows up. "Querida, what on Earth?" The tight, constricting, I cant breathe feeling in my chest loosens. Jesse's here. Safe and here.  
  
"She's back Jesse." I say simply, and hand the floor over to Father Dom.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ And Father Dom still had the floor while I was sitting in U.S. history right behind Paul Slater. Yea, his suspension was over. Sadly. So we're doing individual work, but of course, everyone is talking. So no one really notices when Jesse materializes next to me.  
  
"Jesse!" I whisper loudly. Then I really want to kick myself, because of course, Paul whips his head around with a demonic grin on his face.  
  
"Well if it isn't the happy couple." He whispers.  
  
Jesse, to my astonishment, smiles coolly at him. "Thank you for alerting the priest about Maria's return." Jesse said to Paul, downright pleasantly, nothing like the Jesse that wanted to kick his ass this morning.  
  
Paul shrugged. "Yea well. She creeped me out. Plus she seemed pretty damn pissed, so I thought for everyone's general safety I should let the head honcho in on the covert op."  
  
Jesse smiled again. "Well I refuse to get worried about her. Susannah and I have a weapon she does not possess. We have each other." And with that, he kissed me. Right in the middle of U.S. history. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Paul's POV  
  
It was disgustingly cute. As soon as he materialized Suze got this happy little smile on her face. It really makes me sick.  
  
Yea, I know I'm the bad guy, but let me justify myself. I want Susannah Simon. Plain and excruciatingly simple.  
  
So, let me tell you how easy it was to turn bad when I see her all hung up over the cowboy here. Like now.  
  
I roll my eyes and turn around. The class was loud enough and distracted enough so that no one saw Suze talking to, and making out with, herself.  
  
I can't stand to watch them. And I don't buy Jesse's we've-got-each-other bullshit for a second. He's scared. I know Suze is terrified, I always know.  
  
I know Suze better than she knows herself. That's how I'm going to get her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Ok, I'm sorry this is such a short chapter, but I need to get my thoughts in order and such, longer chapster will be coming! Faster if you review! ;) 


	4. Almost Human

Title: Life Itself  
  
Author: Sara n Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God.  
  
Rating: PG-13, possibly changing  
  
Summary: Post Haunted. A whole new catastrophe arises. Jesse and Suze have got to trust Paul to survive, and nothing is as it seems.  
  
Author's Note:  
  
"You know if you try to put your lips anywhere near mine, you'll be killed twice." I say defensively as Paul and I walk to his car.  
  
"Geez Simon, keep your pants on."  
  
"Don't worry Paul, I will." I said. I had agreed to shifting lessons, not to suffer mercilessly at his constant innuendo.  
  
We reached his BMW and climbed in, me keeping as far away from him as humanly possible. He must have sensed this -or seen me sitting the door I was practically falling out of the car- so he looked over at me and said "Suze, seriously, I wont try anything."  
  
I eyed him, and he looked serious enough, so I moved myself to the middle of the seat, and watched Paul as he started the ignition. This guy was such a mystery. Sometimes I saw this malicious, terrible monster, while other time, like now, I just saw a boy, who was maybe confused and vulnerable.  
  
But I'll never figure it out with him. I mused these thoughts until he broke the silence. "What are you thinking about?"  
  
"Jesse."  
  
"Liar. You're not grinning like an idiot."  
  
Damn. Paul was not lacking in the brains department. "Ok, so I was thinking about shifting and stuff." I sort of admitted. I definitely did not want to tell Paul I had been thinking about his complexities, so I lied. He seemed to buy my answer, and it was silent until we reached his house.  
  
He led me into the kitchen and wordlessly handed me a bottle of water. Then he turned around and started walking. I followed him, not into his bedroom, as I suspected but into a large room that looked like our family room, only about ten times bigger. We sat on the couch, and to my surprise, he did not sit extremely close to me, or invade my space at all.  
  
It was like a reformed Paul Slater. And I didn't buy the act at all. I wanted to, but it was Paul. He had to have some ulterior motive, he always did. The thing that made me nervous was I didn't know what the motive was.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He didn't ask me to go to the Shadowland. Thank God. I hate that place. All he did was tell me stuff about shifting. Stuff about what I could do, and different ways to mediate. He was helping me. And I wasn't, as far as I knew, hallucinating.  
  
And then the most amazing thing happened. We had a normal conversation. About Kelly Prescott no less. And this somehow, led to Maria.  
  
"So you saw her?" I asked.  
  
"Yea. I thought she might have needed help you know? And when she got that I was a mediator, she asked about you."  
  
"So you told Father Dom?"  
  
"Yea. Why do you sound so shocked?"  
  
"I figured you'd draw her a map to my front door."  
  
"I care about you Suze. Even if you cant see past Jesse."  
  
"Paul, please don't do this. I know you care, but I love Jesse." And he looked at me with these sad looking eyes and smiled this sad looking smile.  
  
"I'll take you home Suze."  
  
He got up again, and grabbed his keys, and I followed him out to the car. He drove without talking, and didn't once stop staring at the road. I fiddled with the radio in his car like I owned it until I couldn't stand it.  
  
"Paul?" I asked cautiously. "Is something wrong? Did I do something?"  
  
HE looked at me. "Suze, you never did anything wrong."  
  
"Paul, I can tell something is bothering you."  
  
"Isn't obvious Suze?"  
  
Now quite clearly, if it was obvious, I wouldn't have had to ask him would I?  
  
He sighed. "I can't stand that I can't have you Suze. Because every time I see you, I fall for you more. And you love Jesse."  
  
IT was about this time that my mouth dropped open. I began to, for the first time, see Paul Slater as a human. I mean I knew he liked me, or at least knew he liked kissing me, but I had no idea he actually cared about me.  
  
"Paul," I began, trying to think of something reassuring to say to the guy that I had, up until today, considered inhuman, but I didn't get the chance, because I noticed Maria had materialized in the backseat, and was busy ringing her hands around Paul's neck.  
  
Thankfully, I reacted fast, and grabbed the wheel, steering the BMW through the streets, desperately trying not a) crash, or b) hit someone, especially young children or old ladies. Paul kept his foot on the gas as he tried to pry Maria off him. HE managed to dislodge one of her hands from around his neck.  
  
This was getting seriously dangerous. So I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed Maria's dress, and pictured that place, and in no time, we were surrounded by shadows. She stared at me and smiled.  
  
"Clever, Susannah, very clever." She said in that chilling voice of hers. "But it will not deter me from Jesse for long."  
  
Oh that was crossing a line. No girl even talks about putting her hands on Jesse. I prepared to let her have it good in the face, but she caught my arm and almost knocked me over. I realized that this was a bad situation, and as soon as I got out of her grip, I hightailed my spirit back to Paul's car, which was now parked in the parking lot of a Blockbuster.  
  
"Suze! Are you ok?"  
  
"Yea, just had to do a little life saving shiftage."  
  
"I figured."  
  
"God." I said, rubbing the spot where she'd grabbed my wrist. "What a bitch."  
  
"I couldn't agree more." Said Paul starting the car. ~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~*~*~*~*~  
Jesse's POV  
  
I watched from her window as the car pulled up the driveway and Susannah hopped out, actually pausing to converse with Paul Slater before slamming the door. I turned away. There were few things I hated more than the thought of Susannah alone with him.  
  
I listened to her exchange greeting with various other members of the Ackerman household, and bound up the stairs. But when she crossed the threshold into her bedroom, she looked worried.  
  
"Has Maria been here?" she asked me, throwing down her books.  
  
"No. Susannah she hasn't been here. Why?"  
  
"Oh, because she paid me and Paul a little visit." I stopped moving towards her. It struck me like a fist, the way she said 'me and Paul' so casually. "Oh God, I'm sorry Jesse, you know I didn't mean me and Paul like that."  
  
"I know querida. Now tell me what happened."  
  
"We were driving home, and she materialized in the backseat. And then, she choked Paul, but he was driving, so I grabbed her and shifted into Shadowland, and then she said she would get you no matter what, and I tried to punch her, but she completely overpowered me, so I just shifted back." Susannah said, all in a frightened rush.  
  
I put my arms around her. "I'm really scared Jesse." She whispered. "She's strong. So much stronger than the last time and I just don't know what we're going to do."  
  
I hated to hear her talk like this, but she was right, Maria was very powerful. However this was my Susannah and we would make it through this. So I kept up my strong demeanor. "Susannah, we can do this together. I know we can."  
  
And at least for now, she seemed to believe it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~  
  
Author's Note: Longer chapter. Not too long, but I'm making progress. Review!  
  
" 


	5. Downfall

Title: Life Itself  
  
Author: Sara n Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God.  
  
Rating: PG-13, possibly changing  
  
Summary: Post Haunted. A whole new catastrophe arises. Jesse and Suze have got to trust Paul to survive, and nothing is as it seems.  
  
Author's Note: This chapter takes place a week and a half later than the last one. Review!  
  
"I has to turn my eyes away, my heart fell to the floor." -Dixie Chicks  
  
~*A week and a half later*~  
  
It had been a week and a half since anyone had seen Maria. I was beginning to see a ray of hope. Maybe she hadn't been able to get out of the Shadow World. Maybe she had found herself trapped there, and out of utter desperation, had opened one of the doors and was out of our loves now.  
  
I was telling this to Paul as he was driving me home from school one Friday afternoon. He needed to borrow a trig book, which was in my bedroom, and since I was no longer terrified or disgusted by Paul, I was going to allow him to accompany me there to get it- unless of course Jesse had returned from his meeting with Father Dom.  
  
Then Paul was going to have to wait downstairs. Or by his car. But back to Maria, and away from my utterly bewildering new friendship with Paul- if you could call it friendship-, I was definitely freaked out by her absence.  
  
"It's almost like a false sense of security." I told Paul. He nodded.  
  
"I know. But we can't be on defense unless she's on offense, Suze."  
  
"Yea. I know. Are you going to Kelly's party tonight?"  
  
"I'll probably drop by. What about the lovely Miss Simon?"  
  
"I'm afraid the lovely Miss Simon has other plans."  
  
"I figured."  
  
I didn't want to make Paul feel bad, but would I honestly go to Kelly's house to hang out with a bunch of drunk people, my step brothers included since Jake was driving home for the occasion, when I had plans to do a lot of kissing with a certain ghost? No, I would not. Even though Kelly had invited me to sleep over, I was going to have to pass. The stopping of the car broke my thoughts of later that night. I looked up at my bedroom window.  
  
"I don't think he's here Paul. You can come in." Paul nodded and followed me inside. Only Doc was home, and after exchanging a few words with us, he fled to his room, leaving Paul and I in the living room.  
  
"Books in my room." I said trying to keep my voice casual.  
  
"Lead the way." Paul urged. So I did, up the stairs and into my bedroom. And what I saw there made me stumble backwards. Paul grabbed my arms to steady me, going "What the hell is it Suze?" But I couldn't take my eyes off Jesse, kissing Maria. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Paul's POV  
  
It couldn't have been scripted better. Suze and I go up to her room so I can borrow a trig book, an excuse to take her home and come in her house, and she falls backwards into me. When I catch her, I see Jesse with his tongue shoved down Maria's throat. Suze just stared at them for a long time, and then her books tumbled to the floor.  
  
That's when Jesse seemed to realize what was going on around him. He wrestled himself away from Maria, and stood, staring at Susannah.  
  
It was all to good to be true, really. I mean I honestly hated to see Suze suffer but I knew this was only going to turn out good for me, since I happened to be here for her, and I happened to have the means to get he out of here tonight.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~*  
  
Suze's POV  
  
It was a good thing Paul was Paul and didn't let go of my arms. This would have been utterly annoying and quite awkward in any other situation, but given my current state, I really would have toppled over, had he not been holding me.  
  
When I dropped my books, Jesse had finally snapped back to reality and stopped kissing Maria. He looked at me, as I looked at him. I dropped my eyes again, because staring into his eyes was tearing a huge hole in my heart.  
  
I braced myself for pain beyond belief, and willed myself not to cry in their presence.  
  
"Querida," Jesse started.  
  
"No." came from my own lips. "Don't querida me, Jesse."  
  
"Susannah, I am-"  
  
"You're what Jesse? Are you sorry? Well that's just great. Thanks for telling me!"  
  
"Querida." He said again.  
  
I looked up. I knew my eyes were red, but I also knew I wasn't going to cry. I stopped shouting and said quietly, "No Jesse. Right now, I am not your querida. I can't deal with this right now. I can't even look at you."  
  
HE stared at me. I smiled sadly, as my eyes welled up. "What did you expect me to say Jesse? It's not ok. Paul, I think I will go to Kelly's party. Can you give me a ride?"  
  
"Sure Suze." He said quietly. I turned around and walked out.  
  
~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Author's Note: Ok, things will work out. This is totally necessary to my plot, so don't hate me and don't stop reading. This ends up Suze and Jesse!! Review! 


	6. When Times Go Bad

Title: Life Itself  
  
Author: Sara n Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God.  
  
Rating: PG-13, possibly changing  
  
Summary: Post Haunted. A whole new catastrophe arises. Jesse and Suze have got to trust Paul to survive, and nothing is as it seems.  
  
Author's Note: This chapter takes place a week and a half later than the last one. Review!  
  
"When times go bad, when time go rough, wont you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff?" -Fleetwood Mac  
  
I turned around and hightailed it back out of my house. Paul unlocked his BMW, and I climbed in. "Suze?" he asked.  
  
I shook my head. "Just drive."  
  
So he drove to his house. I climbed out of his car and stood, looking up at the sky. I didn't even notice tears were running down my face, until I felt Paul's hand wiping them away. He pulled me into a hug.  
  
"It's gonna be ok Suze."  
  
"I really don't understand what just happened."  
  
"She kissed him. That has to be it. Jesse loves you too much to kiss her."  
  
If I hadn't been so emotionally pain stricken, I would have laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Paul was comforting me and defending Jesse at the same time.  
  
I pulled away, suddenly uncomfortable to be hugged by Paul. I wiped the tears off of my face, Paul hasn't witnessed Suze crying many times and I hated being so vulnerable in front of him. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I felt lips on mine. And I knew they weren't Jesse's but somehow I couldn't process thoughts. I seemed to be able to process kisses though. From a distance it seemed, I heard Kelly's voice, and maybe Jakes.  
  
I wasn't making out much, but I could tell that someone was kissing me, and his hands were now in my hair, among other places. I could tell I was kissing him back. And I could tell that the guy was Paul. ~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Sitting on Kelly's back deck with Kelly herself, and Debbie, the events of the previous night began to come back slowly, but not without the full- fledged horror they brought with them.  
  
Apparently, according to my memory, and tidbits of much needed information from Kelly and Debbie, this is how last night went. Paul had brought me to Kelly's, where I had foolishly decided to try and forget Jessie with the help of alcohol.  
  
Let me tell you now, I am not a partier, and don't plan on turning into one, especially not after these massive headaches. So, as the story goes, I forgot a little too much (and I remember most of this) started making out with Paul.  
  
Then, according to Kelly, she called my mom, and informed her that I was spending the night, but couldn't talk right now because Debbie was giving me a facial. For once, Kelly had decided to use the brain God gave her.  
  
And then Paul. I had kissed him. I had been kissing him, but as far as I know, it had not exceeded kissing. Granted, I woke up on Kelly's guest room bed lying next to him, but fully clothed. And now, that all this information had been revealed, plus I was reliving the image of seeing Jake with his tongue in Kelly's mouth, I just wanted to go home and make up with Jesse. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I called Jake. Paul had woken up this morning, due to my stirring, sitting up and almost screaming, and said "Oh boy." He left shortly after. Not that I'd really feel comfortable in a car him with anyway. It was, so to speak, the morning after. So Jake came to get me.  
  
"Man you got trashed last night." He said as I got in the car.  
  
Thank you Captain Obvious. "Don't tell Mom or Andy?" I asked. Jake agreed.  
  
"You might want to watch out for Slater." Jake advised as we pulled up the driveway. "He was already here today."  
  
My head was pounding from excess alcohol intake, and it was still early, so I was having trouble processing this information. "Paul? Was here?"  
  
"Yea. Way early. Said he left his trig book yesterday. Your mom let him right up to your room. He was up there for awhile."  
  
"You were awake way early?" Leave it to me to focus the on the non- relevant part of the sentence. Wait a minute. My brain jogged backwards through Jake's sentence and tripped over a few words. Paul was in my room for an extended amount of time, looking for a trig book he never left at my house.  
  
He told Jesse. 


	7. Reclaiming

Title: Life Itself  
  
Author: Sara n Lizzie  
  
Disclaimer: Meg is God.  
  
Rating: PG-13, possibly changing  
  
Summary: Post Haunted. A whole new catastrophe arises. Jesse and Suze have got to trust Paul to survive, and nothing is as it seems.  
  
Author's Note: This chapter takes place a week and a half later than the last one. Review!  
  
"I just wanna be innocent again." -Something Corporate  
  
Jake parked, and got out of the car without saying anything, seeming to know something was very wrong. He didn't make any comments as I sprinted up the driveway, into the house and to the top of the stairs. No one else did either, because even on a Saturday, there was nobody home.  
  
I halted my mad dash at the top of the staircase, because I couldn't figure out what I was sprinting for. The damage had been done- I couldn't stop it. I was still standing there when Jake hollered he was going somewhere, leaving me alone in the house.  
  
The walk into my bedroom seemed to take hours, instead of mere seconds. I opened the door and crossed the threshold holding my breath, but Jesse was gone. It was a relief and a curse. Thank God we didn't have to go through it all while my head was still pounding and I couldn't see straight. But where was he and what the hell was he doing?  
  
I couldn't take it. I couldn't think about it anymore. So I laid down on my bed and fell asleep.  
  
Which seemed like a good idea at the time. Until I woke up and looked at my clock, which informed me it was 6:00. I saw a note taped to my dresser.  
  
Suzie- Brad and Jake are at a party. David is at a friend's, Andy and I went out for dinner. Decided to let you sleep. Mom.  
  
Great. So now I was all alone to think over my mistakes and Jesse's mistakes without my family or even a confrontation with Jesse himself to distract me.  
  
"Susannah."  
  
I take that back.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He materialized on the windowsill, looking pale and shaken and very upset. I know this is corny, but I could practically feel my heart ripping apart, knowing that I was the one that did this to him.  
  
"Jesse." I said back, my voice breaking painfully. Then I averted my eyes to the place of my room where I saw him kissing Maria, and my pain was replaced by anger. "What the hell happened to us?" I ask a little aggressively.  
  
He just stares at me with really sad eyes, and now I feel guilty.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~  
  
Jesse's POV  
  
She is angry with me for kissing Maria. This I can see. I was angry with Paul, but I cannot be angry with Susannah.  
  
"I don't know what happened, querida. But I do know we need to explain it to each other." I see resolve in Susannah's face, and she crosses her arms.  
  
"Fine. You wanna talk? Talk."  
  
"Maria came here, and threatened your life. She said she could, and would go to you right then and kill you. And then she kissed me and I was shocked and it was wrong to kiss her back, but what else could I do? Push her away so she would kill you?"  
  
She nodded slowly, like she had known that all along. "Paul told you." She said slowly. "He told you everything." She looked up at me, like she hoped I too would become filled with rage. I knew it would be easier for her if I was, but I wasn't angry with her. I was plenty angry with Paul.  
  
"He mentioned that something happened between the two of you."  
  
"I'm sorry." It comes out as a whisper. A scared whisper. "I was a little." She lets her voice trail off.  
  
"Drunk?" I supply.  
  
She smiles. "Yea."  
  
"It's in the past querida." I say. But she doesn't seem sure.  
  
"I kissed him Jesse. I kissed him a lot. And I'm not entirely sure that nothing else happened." There is something about her tone that alarms me.  
  
"If he took advantage of you, Susannah, mio Dios I will kill him."  
  
Her eyes widen at my seriousness. "No, no. We didn't, he didn't. Nothing happened."  
  
"Except for the kissing."  
  
"Except for the kissing. I'm so sorry." She finally comes over to the windowsill and sits next to me. "I never meant for any of this to happen Jesse." I touched her cheek, and turned her face toward me.  
  
"I know you didn't. Susannah, this doesn't change the way I feel about you."  
  
"I love you." She says almost timidly.  
  
"I love you." I reply, not, at the time knowing that tonight, something much bigger than we were was taking place. But looking back, I really should have known. There was electricity in the kiss, and a new feeling passed between us. Susannah looked at me with her big eyes, and suddenly I knew what she was thinking. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~* 


	8. An Unfortunate Case Of Bad Timing

Title: Life Itself  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Rating: Pg-13, possibly changing  
  
Summary: Post Haunted. Suze and Jesse are finally together-but not if Maria and Paul have their way.  
  
"And you'll understand what I mean when I say there's no way we're gonna give up." -Maroon 5  
  
I woke up later that same evening to find a knife pointed at my face. I rolled my eyes. The whole knife wielding ghost showing up in the middle of the night? So very tired of it. Maria wore that out last time she tried to destroy my life.  
  
"Maria." I said, mocking cheerfulness. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"  
  
"You could ask Hector." She said parting her mouth slightly. My fists clenched, and I started to feel like I was going to be sick, now that the image of Jesse's tongue in her mouth had found it's way back into my brain.  
  
I sat up quickly. "Don't ever touch my boyfriend again. Because if you do, I can promise you lots of pain." I say, looking her straight in the eye, just daring her to come back at that one.  
  
I almost wanted her to say something. I needed and excuse to kick her ass right out of my window. Preferably off my roof, and onto the ground, just like her psycho husband had done to me. But instead of fighting with me, she just smiled. Creepy, right?  
  
"I really don't think you are in a position to be threatening me." She said. Ok, so she had a knife. Big deal. Was she going to slice and dice me with my family in the surrounding rooms and Jesse- not here? Where was he?  
  
Maria must have noticed my eyes scanning the room, because she laughed and said "Oh you won't find Hector here. He's been, shall we say occupied for a while?"  
  
This, to say the least, alarmed me. The last time she "occupied" Jesse she convinced an eight year old to exorcise him. "What did you do to him?" I asked.  
  
"I did not do anything to him." Maria replied, in her annoyingly cavalier way. "And if I were in your position, Susannah, I would not make any threats you couldn't back up."  
  
I look around. She's totally right. The moonlight shines in the window and glints off her knife, reminding me that it's there. I need time to call Jesse, but I don't want to lure him into danger. I decide to keep her talking.  
  
"I think," I started slowly, "that your jealous. He wants me. But he didn't want to marry you."  
  
Ok, judging by the way she's tightening her grip on that knife, maybe that whole antagonistic approach wasn't such a great idea. Good one, Suze.  
  
"Then why is he still kissing me?" Maria asks, in obvious anger. That kinda flares my anger up too, but with good reason. Hello? Boyfriend? Mine, not hers. That's right mine.  
  
So I call Jesse, and then wait. For whatever reason, he's taking his good old ghostly time. So I just keep calling. But by now, she's pissed. Really pissed. Uh-oh.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~* Jesse's POV  
  
"Look de Silva, I didn't call you here to piss you off." Said Paul Slater. At this point I didn't much care. He had called me, urgently away from Susannah, and then wasted my time talking and talking, without really saying anything.  
  
I try to think of what motive he could possibly have for keeping me here, when I hear her calling. Lightly, at first, as if she's amused by something and wants me to see it. But her tone quickly becomes more urgent. I shimmered, in preparation to go to her, but Paul grabs my arm. "I wasn't finished with you, cowboy."  
  
I ignore the cowboy remark, and try to stay calm. "It's Susannah Paul. She's calling." He hesitates. "She's in trouble." It's at these words he releases me.  
  
"Go." he says. And I do, but not without letting my mind slip over the evident fact that Paul Slater was in love with my Querida. However thoughts of Paul, as well as everything else left my mind as I materialized in Susannah's room and saw the blood on the bed sheets and Susannah herself unconscious on the floor.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~ Suze's POV  
  
So I think the obvious lesson learned was that you shouldn't piss off a ghost with a knife, because even if she used to be a prissy whiner in a corset, supernatural powers will do the trick.  
  
She told me to give him up. She held the knife to my throat and said "You're a mediator Susannah. So let Hector go. It's selfish of you to keep him here. You and Hector know nothing of love. So let him go."  
  
Which, frankly, kind of ticked me off. So maybe it was completely self centered of me to hold onto to Jesse like I did, but we did know what love was thank you very much, miss kill my fiancée before our wedding.  
  
So when I sunk my knee into her stomach, and suggested back the hell off of Jesse (as well as some other choice suggestions) she didn't react too well. In fact, she sunk that knife of hers into my arm, just missing my wrist. Then she used her pissed off ghost mind to slam me against the wall. And that's when everything went black. And the last thing I remember thinking was Jesse. 


	9. Backlash

Title: Life Itself  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Rating: Pg-13, possibly changing  
  
Summary: Post Haunted. Suze and Jesse are finally together-but not if Maria and Paul have their way.  
  
"This love has taken its toll on me." -Maroon 5  
  
Suze's POV  
  
Ouch. Needless to say, as we sat in Father Dominic's office, several hours later, I was in considerable pain. However, I was enjoying Jesse's whole extremely protective, not letting Suze out of my arms thing.  
  
It was kinda sucked that the only way to get him to be so protective was to get attacked by his ex fiancée, and wind up in Father D's office at 2:30 in the morning, but hey, I'll take what I can.  
  
After I regained conciseness, Jesse bandaged up my arm, which was bleeding profusely. For normal folks, it may have taken an EMT, but injuries come with the trade, at least for me they do, and we keep a pretty extensive first aid kit tucked away in my bathroom. Anyway, then he carried me to the edge of the drive way and Father Dom sent a novice to pick "me" up.  
  
So that's how we wound up in Father Dom's office. After smoothing things over with the taxi novice, and assuring her I was ok, and she did not see me floating in mid-air, Father Dom came in and sat down at his desk. He sighed. "Susannah, for the love of God, what happened?" he asked.  
  
"Maria showed up. With her whole knife to your throat while sleeping routine. She threatened me, tried to scare me into giving up Jesse, then I got angry, said a few things back, next thing I know, she's slicing and dicing my arm."  
  
Father Dom sighs. "Jesse?"  
  
"Paul called me." Jesse spat out.  
  
"Paul?" I repeated, surprised.  
  
"Yes, Paul." Jesse snapped back at me. My mouth opened and I blinked twice. Was there really a reason to get so touchy about a question?  
  
"Sorry." I muttered quietly. Jesse sighed, and reached over from his chair to grab my hand.  
  
"I'm sorry querida. I don't mean to be harsh with you. But it is too coincidental that Paul called me to have a talk about his intentions towards you at the exact time that Maria attacked you."  
  
I blinked again, for some reason unable to absorb this information. "Paul? And Maria? Working together? Again?" I asked, sounding very dumb. "Um, Jesse, I don't think so. Paul's.." I trailed off.  
  
"Changing?" Jesse asked.  
  
"Well, actually yea."  
  
"Right. He's so changed he took advantage of your uh, less than aware state."  
  
"That's really not important now Jesse. But I will be the bigger person and not point out the reason for my less than aware state was because of Maria's mouth and your mouth getting very personal."  
  
Father Dominic cleared his throat. "First things, first, pettiness aside please. Susannah. Are you all right?"  
  
"I'm fine. Nothing a couple of band-aids won't fix. What I don't understand is-"  
  
"That's not true Susannah. Querida, she could have killed you." Jesse says, totally serious.  
  
"But she didn't Jesse. Father Dom, I don't understand why she seems to, well, want Jesse. Last time. She didn't want to look at him. She was so angry. Now it's all kisses and no, Suze, he's mine."  
  
Father D blinked twice, and kind of looked like he might have a stroke or something, then his face got serious. "I've been thinking about this. I don't believe that she wants to obtain Jesse. I believe she's simply adamant that you don't stay, ahh, involved, shall we say? And I'm sure there's some motive for that, I just haven't been able to decipher it yet."  
  
I brushed it off as Maria being her crazy ghostly self, but Jesse takes it all to heart. "I knew it. I knew when I heard she was back; I was endangering you by being with you, Susannah. I don't know why, but she wont let you live, until this is done."  
  
And I swear to God, my heart stopped. I couldn't breathe. 


	10. Hold On

Title: Life Itself  
  
Author: Sara and Lizzie  
  
Rating: Pg-13, possibly changing  
  
Summary: Post Haunted. Suze and Jesse are finally together-but not if Maria and Paul have their way.  
  
Author's Note: Review! And check out or other Mediator fics, "Sweet Surrender" and "In These Eyes"  
  
"Hold on to the light that guides you, hold on to me." -The Starting Line  
  
Suze's POV  
  
I can't speak. I want to scream at Jesse, and tell him never to talk like that again. But I can't speak. Or breathe.  
  
When I can open my mouth I manage to get out "Father Dom, could you give us a sec?" he nods and leaves silently.  
  
I turn my gaze on Jesse who looks away. "This is entirely my fault Susannah. I should have known."  
  
"Should have known what Jesse?" I ask, trying really hard not to cry.  
  
"This, you and I, it's only going to hurt you."  
  
"Really? That's funny. I was just fine until five minutes ago."  
  
"Susannah, Maria, she almost killed you."  
  
"And she almost killed me before we were well, you know. Yea, I know she's a psycho and this is dangerous, but so is my life. If you think ending this and distancing yourself from me is going to help me, you're wrong."  
  
He watches me for a while. I'm dying to look out the window, or down at the floor, but I force myself to keep my eyes locked with his.  
  
"It's not that I don't love you Susannah, because I truly do."  
  
"Right. Then what's the problem?"  
  
"What I'm doing, it's terribly unfair to you. There's no future in it. And you deserve so much better."  
  
It was at this point I had to laugh. I felt so much like Buffy, arguing with Angel. I really, really wanted to cry and beg and plead. Except...  
  
"This is insanity. Forget it Jesse, I'm not letting you. If you break up with me, you'll have to leave my room, and I'll just start spending all my time at the rectory. If you exorcise yourself, so will I."  
  
"Susannah, it's not that I want to leave."  
  
"Then don't. Jesse, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. But I need to know that you're in this. Maria is out to kick our asses, but if we're together she cant beat us. Now are you in or not?" I ask extending my hand.  
  
Jesse looks bewildered, then mortified. But he reaches out and squeezes my hand. But he still looks extremely mortified. Apparently, he isn't accustomed to the whole getting a talking to from your girlfriend.  
  
I try to hide my smile at the shocked look on his face. "Jesse, I didn't mean to um," I trail off. He smiles.  
  
"Susannah, you have no idea how frightened I was when I saw you lying there, the blood. If the worst had happened, because of me? Querida, I would never forgive myself."  
  
"The worst didn't happen. It's not going to."  
  
Jesse gives my hand a gentle tug, and I leave my chair and position myself in his, on his lap. I sigh. Despite the fact I have a massive headache and a bloody bandage on my arm, this is really just about as good as it could get. Until he kisses me. That's even better.  
  
"It's been quite a night Susannah." Jesse said with a mischievous smile. I smiled back.  
  
"And not all bad either." I manage to squeak out, feeling the blush crawl up my face. Jesse grins and kisses me, and I know that everything is going to be ok.  
  
Well, until Father Dominic walked in on us kissing, and launched into a tirade about the intended jobs of mediators, but hey, we cant get everything we want can we?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~ Paul's POV  
  
"What I want to know is why Hector was not being occupied." Maria practically screamed at me.  
  
I shrugged. "I gave you the window you wanted. And it's not like you were honest with me. I told you not to hurt her."  
  
Maria laughed. "I didn't. Much."  
  
An uncomfortable chill ran down my spine. I didn't care if Jesse got exorcised, or if Maria could work out this "Killer of the Dead" spell, but I did care about what happened to Suze. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten into this again. I shook my head firmly. It was too late now. 


End file.
